October 15th: Marriage and Divorce
Speaker: Chris Laws
The institution of marriage for mankind - the building block of society - has been discarded my much of the Western world, and not adequately understood by Christians.
The oldest institution on Earth, is the foundational element of society.
Marriage is not a human idea, but ordained by God
Marriage was designed in man's innocency. God's intention (for most people).
Oldest institution of all on earth – first creation ordinance, day 6: “Be fruitful and multiply...”
Foundational element of all human society. Once society rejects it, it collapses.
Human depravity has marred it and brought in misery and confusion and terrible perversion.
Divorce rate soaring, children suffer, unfaithfulness.
BASIC PRINCIPLES OF MARRIAGE
Gen 2.24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father & his mother, & shall cleave unto his wife; & they shall be one flesh.”
1. Unique relationship. “One flesh”. Years ago, treasured. Most took an outward stand.
MH: one flesh, one soul. Two people bound together in aim, outlook, one unit.
2. God-designed. “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet.”
Woman for man/man for woman. The perfect partner in life, deep needs met.
BCF 25.2: “Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife.”
3. Greater than parental ties. “Leave his father & his mother.” No parental interference.
4. Exclusive. Between “a man…his wife”. Matt 19.5 “and they [two] shall become one flesh.”
BCF 25.1: “Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.” No other affections.
5. Heterosexual. BCF 25.1: “…one man and one woman.”
Homosexual partners are not married. Same-sex ‘marriage’ is the invention of man.
Sodomy, legalised in 1967. Evil now legally ‘good’. The marriage bond is unique to true marriage.
6. No polygamy. God could have made Adam several wives: he made one.
BCF 25.1: “It is not lawful for any man to have more than one wife...”
Those OT believers who had multiple wives all reaped bitter consequences.
7. For life. “Cleave” = be glued. Matt 19.5 “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
John Trapp: “A table will often cleave in the whole wood, before it will part asunder where it is glued.”
People nursed invalids for decades. Lord Kelvin.
8. The basis of the family.
BCF 25.2: “marriage was ordained for…the increase of mankind.”
A true marriage is the only legitimate means of procreation.
A stable marriage and home a tremendous witness, a building block of society.
MARRIAGE TODAY A DISASTER ZONE.
‘Swinging’ 60s: “Till death us do part” replaced by “as long as I am happy”.
One famous atheistic writer tells how he awoke one morning, and realised he no longer loved his wife of 35 years…
People fall in love, then fall out of love.
Easy divorce culture. Approx 42% marriages end in divorce.
Many don't bother to marry – cohabit. Half of all births are to cohabiting or single mothers.
Hostility to marriage – marriage a downward step for woman. Male domination/housework demeaning.
Said to be foundation of patriarchal society.
Sociologists have counselled for decades – Don't stay together for the sake of the children – better to divorce.
Undeniable that children suffer. Lives ruined, children scarred.
Research shows “married women do better on everything you can measure: satisfaction, children's well-being, financial well-being.”
Breakdown of society. We see demonstrated why God destroyed Sodom & Gomorrha. It is so infectious.
Only revival can turn the satanic tide.
Even among believers marriage and family problems are main causes for counselling.
THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE
Gen 2.22 “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”
What a tender moment/meeting! No record of the feelings and words.
A veil of modesty should always surround the marriage relationship.
A divine match. A priceless gift to mankind! Heb 13.4 “Marriage is honourable [most precious] in all.”
Our task is to seek His will for a marriage partner.
To value and treasure marriage, and take it seriously. Never contemplate divorce.
Song of Solomon is a picture of Christ and the Church. Christ yearns after his Church, for his wedding day.
CHS on Song of Solomon 2.16, 'Surely if there be a happy verse in the Bible it is this: “My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.” So peaceful, so full of assurance, so overrunning with happiness and contentment.'
Everyone longs for a husband/wife who will love them always and never desert them.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is a joining of two together by God. Matt 19.5 “What therefore God hath joined together.”
We are all required to make public marriage vows because it is a binding contract.
Binding for people of all religions, pagans.
1 Cor 7.12 “If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away”. Both were formerly pagan, had a pagan wedding ceremony.
God saw the vows – solemn public promises. They were binding.
John Trapp: “When God instituted marriage from the beginning, he fixed a perpetual law” – for all men.
God requires a mutual pledge from both.
Universally acknowledged that spouses must be faithful. It is in our hearts and make-up.
Adultery does not dissolve a marriage contract, though grounds for divorce.
MARRIAGE SERVICE/CEREMONY
1. “It is not to be taken in hand lightly or unadvisedly merely to satisfy human lust, as though we were beasts without understanding.” Think, consider, take advice, pray.
John Trapp “It is...good to be wary; to look before one leap.”
2. “It is to be entered lawfully...” Lawfully – some marriages are incestuous. Not a sister, step-brother, uncle.
“For as many as are coupled together otherwise than God's Word allows, are not joined together by God, neither is their marriage lawful.” (BCF 25.4)
3. “Lawfully” also means (BCF 25.3) “it is the duty of Christians to marry in the Lord. (1 Cor 7.39).
4. “…and with true love and affection.” You must both love each other.
COHABITING COUPLES
Wrong; sexual relationship before marriage – fornication, not marriage.
In practice married. Ought to make public vows, and bind themselves for life. Certainly if converted.
We have had young cohabiting couples converted here, live apart, then marry.
DUTY OF LOVE
Once you are married, Paul says: Eph 5 “Husbands love your wives.”
Worldly couples may say, “I no longer love him/her”. But Paul commands us to love!
Believers are not at the mercy of falling out of love. Childish. We have a duty to keep our love warm.
We all change – in outlook, views, aims, character, appearance, demeanour.
MARRIAGE HEADSHIP
Eph 5.22,25: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord...”
W Hendrickson: “A home without a head is an invitation to chaos…like a nation without a ruler.”
The husband is to bear ultimate responsibility.
Not superior/inferior. Equal before God.
Need each other. Eve “was taken out of man” (Gen 2.23) – he lost a part of himself.
MH: “If man is the head, she is the crown, a crown to her husband, the crown of the visible creation.”
John Trapp: “The woman was made of a bone…a bone of the side, not of the head (the wife must not usurp authority over her husband), nor yet of the foot (she is not a slave, but a fellow helper)…neither yet of any hinder part (she is not set behind the man), but a bone of the side…to show that she is a companion...a bone not far from his heart.”
DIVORCE
Divorce came later. It is permitted under certain conditions to protect innocent party.
Always the result of sin, but not always sinful.
Sometimes it is necessary, eg to avoid cruelty.
But beware – these are days of light divorce, and that is always sinful. We live in a divorce culture.
MH: “Eve was a rib out of Adam's side, so that he could not put her away, (without putting) away a piece of himself.”
Can believers divorce?
In past believers thought always wrong for believers to divorce – not biblical, Roman Catholic view.
Adultery. Matt 19.9 “Whosever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”
What about desertion?
1 Cor 7.15 “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such [cases].”
Protestant interpretation almost universal – desertion is grounds for divorce (Hodge).
MH on Gen 2.24: “The bond of marriage is…not to be broken or cut by divorce, for any cause but fornication or wilful desertion.”
